39 Month LID-iversary

Dreams

When Anna woke up this morning, she said that she had a really long dream about Amanda. And she said "Amanda is 4 years old." I wonder...

Reflecting

11 years ago around this time of year (right before Valentine's Day) I started to believe I'd really be able to adopt from China some day. I bought a couple of size 9 month outfits and hung them on my bedroom door knob so I could look at them every day. It was a only a few weeks later, March 2nd, 2009 that I finally started the process and sent my application in to adopt my first daughter. I had researched, prayed, and dreamed about it for a good 3 1/2 years before then. I'm so luckly that I was able to adopt not just my Jessica, but also Anna. Now I also wait for Amanda. I still hope, pray, and believe that one day, she will finally come home.

Who would have ever thought that over 3 years after having my dossier logged in in China, that I would still be waiting?! The excitement was so great in the beginning. I moderate not only the November LID group, but also the October. We were doing swaps and all kinds of really fun activities. But the wait has dragged on. No one is talking on our groups. Many have switched to special needs and have been home with their children a long time. Several have switched countries. Several have decided to pull their dossiers. Someone posted yesterday that they decided to pull their dossier and I am so sad for them. I know it was a very difficult decision. In many ways, I understand it. But I am so sad that the child they dreamed about for 3 1/2 years give or take will never join their family.

Life had changed so much for all of the families waiting. Sometimes I wish those of us still waiting were talking more. I pull up their blogs and so many have not posted for months on end. But I understand. What is there to say? There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Other than CCAA is referring 2006 dossiers and ours is 2006 and not 2007, 2008, 2009 or 2010. I do believe for those of us who hang in there, there will be a baby/child some day. We just don't know how long we'll have to hang in there. I know my life is much different than it was 3 1/2 years ago. But the decisions I am making are for the good of my family and because no matter what I propose to my girls, they still want Amanda over almost anything else I've asked them "what if?"

For those who are home with their children - congratulations! We are all truly happy for you, it's just difficult sometimes to know you found joy and we're still waiting. For those waiting, I'm right there with you. I realize I'm one of the lucky ones who already has 2 wonderful daughters from China. But I also remember the ache of wanting my first, Jessica. I ached for Anna and I ache for Amanda as well. It's not quite the same as the first ache, I know that and I so feel for you. I do have faith that we will all someday get our children. I just long for the days when we think 7 or even 13 months is forever (like I did when I was waiting for Jessica and Anna).

So there you go. I guess seeing Lisa pull out got me to thinking. I pray that well all find peace in our decisions and that the children waiting in China and around the world for their forever families find their families.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!!

Happy Year of the Tiger!!

Here is the forecast for my sign for this year:

The Pig
The Pig is an innocent, sweet and lovable personality. They can also be quite melancholy and over-sensitive. The Pig loves the company of others, and adores parties, gossip and chit chat. They are highly intelligent, but prefer to keep this side of their nature under wraps. The Pig does not care that much for money, but is one of the zodiac signs that is very lucky.

Forecast for 2010

The Pig loves activity and challenges and the Year of the Tiger will certainly provide this. There may be additional financial pressure on the Pig this year, but with prudent spending and consideration, this need not be a problem. The Pig is an open, friendly soul and very trusting, but this year he must be wary. It’s possible that gossip may prove too tempting or that he may listen to false advice, causing upset and trouble. Be guarded and careful this year! The Pig must ensure that he follows up all correspondence or financial dealings – to delay or overlook details will prove costly. Short, fun, unplanned trips will feature throughout the year and will be excellent for off-setting any stresses and pressure the Year of the Tiger may bring. Interest in spirituality and self-development will be to the fore and any opportunity to study and explore these should be taken. November to January will provide excellent opportunites for changing career direction or to find a new job. August to December will prove particularly social, with many fun occasions and opportunities to make new friends.

Interesting Pig Facts

Zodiac Stone: Ruby

Special Flower: Chrysanthemum

Best Hours: 9-11 pm

Season: Autumn

Horoscope Colors: Purple, Red, White