What a Wonderful Trip!

We really enjoyed our trip up north to the Itasca area. Our campground was not busy at all and we were pretty much the only ones around other than a few seasonal people. We had a beautiful view of the lake, loons were calling, hummingbirds and woodpeckers hanging around. The sunrises were spectacular as were the moon rises. It was so peaceful and beautiful.

The girls had a blast walking across the headwaters of the Mississippi River. I didn't walk across the rocks because so many people were slipping and falling, so I just walked into the river and took pictures. After the river and some shopping in the gift shop, we drove around the state park. We came upon a fire tower which we walked to. Joyce took the girls up to the top (100 feet I believe), but at about the 3rd of 10 levels, my fear of heights kicked in and I returned to the bottom to watch.

We did have rain one day and it was a little dreary the next, but really not all that bad. The girls went up to the office and watched a couple of movies. I spent a lot of quiet time reading the 4th Harry Potter book.

Be Back Labor Day Weekend

We're leaving for our camping trip to Itasca State Park on Saturday morning. We're going to check out and walk over the headwaters of the Mississippi River. I'm looking forward to it. Hopefully we'll have better weather. I know there's been floods in the south and a draught north of here. We've had rain off and all since last weekend and I hope it doesn't follow us north.

We've yet to even think about packing so I'll be super busy tomorrow. We'll get back in time to go to a "meet your teachers and see your classroom" open house at school. Have a good week for whoever checks my blog.

9 Months Waiting, Very Little Progress Forward

9 (nine) is the natural number following 8 and preceding 10.

9 months = 273.931649 days

Nine (pinyin jiu) is considered a good number in Chinese culture because it sounds the same as the word "longlasting" (pinyin jiu). The Japanese consider 9 to be unlucky, however, because it sounds similar to the Japanese word for "pain" or "distress" (kunrei ku).

Nine is strongly associated with the Chinese dragon, a symbol of magic and power. There are nine forms of the dragon, it is described in terms of nine attributes, and it has nine children It has 9×13 scales, 9×9 being yang (masculine, or bad influence) and 9×4 being yin (feminine, or good influence).

Magic Number "9":
The ancient Chinese considered numbers a mystical part of the universe. As an odd number, the number "9" belongs to the "yang" category, which represents strength and masculinity. In ancient China, the number "1" represented the starting point while the number nine represented infinity and extremity. The number "9" can be seen in many aspects of life in China.

For example, "Jiu Zhou" is a poetic name referring to the nine states, which means that the country encompasses so much territory that it is beyond measure. The highest heavens were referred to as the "ninth heaven", "Jiu Quan" or "the ninth spring" where the afterlife is located beneath the deepest water. In the royal palace or a monastery, the doors, windows, stairs or fixtures existed in multiples of nine or a number that contains nine. The numbers of the gilded knobs on the double doors of the major gates of the Forbidden City is a good example.

There are nine rows of nine knobs on these doors which represents the supreme power of the emperor. The East Flowery Gate, however, is an exception beca se it has nine rows with eight knobs. The explanation lies in the fact that even numbers belong to the "ying" category, and therefore, funeral processions of the three Qing emperors passed through this only gate with even numbers of the double doors.

The Chinese tended to view life diametrically. So when a change occurred in one aspect of life, that change was a result of a change in its opposite. Therefore, as a symbol of extremity, "9" in Chinese Culture is also a warning, a turning point. In ancient Chinese Classic Yijing, or the "Book of Changes", wherever number "9" appears, it is a crucial point of change and transformation.

In traditional Chinese culture, the number nine has great significance. For example, the ninth day of the ninth month has long been a very important festival in China. This festival is known as the Double Yang Festival, which was a time for wine and poetry inspired by the beautiful autumn scenery. In the past, Chinese scholars would climb nearby mountains and look into the distance and think of their faraway friends.

Busy End of Week

Thursday night we went to an annual family picnic for Minnesota Hands and Voices for families with deaf/hard of hearing children. I figured it'd be nice for Anna to see other kids with hearing aids. Here's a picture they took of her with Jessica in the background. They were watching a magician. They've asked if they can use this picture in promotional stuff.

Friday Jessica and I had a date at Caribou Coffee, then went garage saling. After a doctor's appointment in the afternoon, we decided to just stay home in the evening. I read more of my Harry Potter book (finished #3 now) while the girls played with their Webkinz. Saturday we went to a circus. The girls loved it and I loved watching especially Anna in her excitement. They got to ride an elephant, pony and camel.

Sunday I babysat a friend's two girls. They all had a fun playdate. I finally got caught up on all my quilt square swaps. I'm mailing them today. What a relief! I'm about a month or more behind in mailing them all out. I'll mail my August bib swaps out today as well. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get to the hairbows and secret pal/buddy items. I've got them all, but sometimes it takes awhile to package them and mail them.

I'm grappling with daycare issues. My daycare provider might not be able to do after school care now and the school's rates are utterly ridiculous. I don't know how anyone can afford them. I just know for sure that I can't. I'd lose my house and Amanda. They are more than double what I pay now and even higher than I paid when my girls were babies. School starts 2 weeks from tomorrow. I may just have to adjust hours at work. There isn't a school release day until October 18th, so I have a little time to check into what to do for those full days. I'd like to stick with my current provider, but she doesn't know what she's going to do. She told me a couple of weeks ago she got a job working 8-2, but now she doesn't know when she'll start and what her hours will be. We go camping next week, so my last day with her could be Thursday. Then again, it may all work out for after school or she may be available for school release days, I just don't know. I like the idea of not having to pay for daycare except release days, but the juggling might really wear me out.

Anyway, I wish this would get worked out so I can sleep again. I guess all I know is Amanda won't have the same provider as Jessica and Anna had, but that I pretty much expected when my current provider got down to just 2 families with kids who'll be in school all day starting in September.

It has also rained all weekend and is supposed to rain all week. I sure hope its nice "up north" next week when we go to Itasca.

Harry Potter & Webkinz

So I've decided to jump on the Harry Potter craze and read the books. I hadn't read any before and since Jess is getting close to an age where she might want to read them, I thought I'd read them first. Found them on a pretty good deal on amazon. I started the first one Saturday night and finished it Sunday night. I started the second one last night and am about a third of the way through. They're easy reads so far, but the books get longer after these. Now I want to see the movies!

My girls have barely read anything all summer and I figure if I sit and read some books, especially ones they've heard of, it might encourage them to pick up a book, too. Right now they are totally into their Webkinz. They got a letter and a gift from someone last night. I may need to check into that a little more, too.

Tears

There was a little girl on one of the waiting child lists that I had seen back at the beginning of 2006 that I fell in love with. She is right in between my girls and has a special need I've seriously considered. At the time I just prayed for her to find a family while trying to figure some way to adopt her myself. It was probably a month or more before someone finally requested her, so I put her out of my mind. Fast forward to November, 2006, right after my dossier went to China, and this little girl shows up on the list again. This time, the agency says anyone DTC with another agency can apply for her. Again, I wracked my brain trying to come up with someone I might borrow the money from to afford the travel portion of the adoption. I sent the agency pictures I still had on my computer because they only had sad pictures. I had a copy of the updated happy ones. While trying to decide if she was really right for my family, someone else applied for her and I had 30 minutes to apply for her if I wanted to. I was in the process of doing more research on her need. I had talked to one of Anna's audiologist's and had a call in to another. But I just couldn't make a decision in 30 minutes and I knew if someone else was ready, she was not meant to be mine. I tell you though, I really cried, as I really did want her.

Today I ran across the website of the family that is adopting her. Actually they've just adopted her and are flying to Guangzhou tomorrow for the last leg of their journey. I'm very happy for her and for the family. Obviously they are meant to be her family. They are very happy and were ready to jump on a plane and get her. But, here I sit quite weapy again. I really did want her. I know she was not meant to be mine. And I'm so glad she has a family. I just wish it could have been me.


Anyway, I still have her picture on my bulletin board at work and I still have a couple in my purse. I guess it's time to take them down/out and totally move on. I don't know if its really appropriate to post her picture. I really am happy she's found a family. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself because of the really long wait, even though I need the long wait to save the funds.

Jessica Danced at Normandale Lake Bandshell last week.

Our children are not ours because they share our genes...
they are ours because we have had the audacity to envision them.
That, at the end of the day...or long sleepless night, is how love really works.
--- Unknown

China Population

According to the CIA (cia.gov) website, here is the population of China (July 2007 est)

Population:
1,321,851,888

Age structure:
0-14 years: 20.4% (male 143,527,634/female 126,607,344)
15-64 years: 71.7% (male 487,079,770/female 460,596,384)
65 years and over: 7.9% (male 49,683,856/female 54,356,900)

Is Amanda one of these 1.3 billion people? Is she born? Is she a registered person or one of the forgotten baby girls? And where might she be? Sometimes its so hard not knowing.

Summer Blues and the Weekend

Friday I brought the girls to dance, freaked a little still driving over the river bridges. They did a recital to for all the parents at 4:30 since it was the end of their 2 week camp and to show everyone what they'd learned. It was nice. Then we went to a Chinese buffet with another family.

Saturday we were supposed to go to the waterpark with friends, but it was kind of cold and very dreary especially considering how the weather has been. Too cold to go swimming in an unheated pool. So I sat around and basically did nothing. I was very down. I didn't even walk 1000 steps on Saturday. How pathetic is that?! I'm down about the long wait, but to be honest, I can't afford the travel/China portion of the adoption fees at this point. I don't even know where I'd come up with them, so in a way, the wait is a good thing. Part of me thinks I may go through this long wait, get my referral, and then have to back out.
Either that or I won't be able to take anyone with me to get Amanda. I promised Jessica I would take her and Anna is planning on it too although she knows she's not promised it. Could I take any time off at all? I don't get any paid leave, just whatever vacation days I take. Will I be able to afford daycare? My current daycare situation is kind of up in the air since she now only has school age kids and is looking for a new job/career. I know she wants to continue to take the kids, but if she gets a day job, I'll be scrambling. I don't want to make other plans though as I love my daycare provider. I've been with her for 7 years and would prefer to stay with her. I'm just nervous that she may not have a choice and decide to hang it all up leaving the other mom and I to scramble. I know that's a big part of my current "blues". That and money. I never seem to have any.

Anyway, I needed to snap out of my Saturday mood, so on Sunday I read the paper for the first time in a really long time and then decided to take the girls to a movie. It wasn't nice enough for the waterpark, so we decided on a movie to see "Hairspray". Jessica loved it and wants to know when it will come out on DVD. Anna enjoyed it, but didn't understand it as much. I was a little worried about the subject matter because it takes place in 1962 and deals with segregation, but Jess has studied about Martin Luther King, Jr. in school, so totally understood the whole premise.