Culture Camp and Car Problems

Sorry I've been quiet lately. Just really busy. Last weekend we went to our local FCC's Culture Camp. I had car problems getting there and was nervous about getting back. It was a 3 hour drive each way in good traffic without stopping. On the way there, it took me almost 6 hours. On the way home, we stopped for lunch, but made it almost home with no incidents. Yesterday, I spent almost $1,000 fixing my van. Not fun and $1,000 I didn't have. But the car runs so much better. I really notice it.

As far as Culture Camp, my girls had a great time. All the way home Jessica kept saying she missed Culture Camp so much already. I missed the opening ceremonies on Friday night. We were in a villa with friends of ours and it was a very nice villa. Saturday there was breakfast, then children's programs according to their grade and adult programs to attend. The girls made crafts and hung out with other kids while I went to a panel of adult Korean adoptees. This was actually the first time I had attended something like this. 2 of them were from the first generation of Korean adoptees, so my age. One was only 25, but now works for a local adoption agency. I really enjoyed hearing they're perspectives. And I bought a book of stories written by various adult adoptees. Then I went to a Parenting 101 class. Very funny straight-forward adoptive dad. I've attended his classes in the past and I find him very informative. I bought his book, too.

After lunch on our own and a market place where I bought a calendar and more books, we went swimming at the indoor water park. In the evening there was dinner, and then a disco dance. This was the first year (this was our 3rd year) we stayed the whole time. The little girls still wore their princess outfits, but there were a lot more tweens this year. Jessica and her friend were on the dance floor the whole time. Anna and her friend got us moms out too. A good DJ and very nice dance.

Sunday, we had breakfast, closing ceremonies and thanks to all, and then we decided to pack up and leave rather than staying at the water park again. I wanted to make sure we made it home or that if we didn't, there would be someone we knew driving by to help us out.

I'm really enjoying my girls at their ages with their independence. I look at the younger kids and all the moms have to do with all the younger kids and question if I really want to go back there. I've thought about Amanda every day for over 5 years. Now all of a sudden I wonder why I want to upset the apple cart. I think I would be happy to stop now with Jessica and Anna. I don't know how I'd ever explain to them though if I did. I know I'm stressed over money (my lack of it), and that plays a big part in my reflections. I also know the wait is strenuous, but I also need the wait right now. I'll keep going, but for the first time, I'm wondering if I really want to proceed with the adoption - do I really want this or was it just something I became obsessed with. Anyway. Just sharing where my head is right now.