We went not to the Civil Affairs office, but a special place they now have to do adoptions. When we first got there, we went into a room with other adoptive parents and began working on the paperwork. So we got a jump on all the adoption paperwork so we won't have to do it tomorrow. The van with the children arrived about the time everyone finished up. Amanda was the last to come in but I recognized her right away (pretty easy since she was the only 5 year old). She came all bundled up and carrying a large tote bag with the pillow I sent, a bunch of stuffed animals including a huge purple teletubbie, some coloring books and markers. She came right over to me, gave me a hug and said "mama". I started to introduce her to her sisters and then the grief hit. She wailed in pain and started crying. I hugged her and rocked her and tried to stop crying although I was crying because she was grieving so much. After awhile our guide came over and started talking to her. She told me Amanda was very stubborn. That she asked her if she'd like to go outside and she said no, now!! She cried for a long time, then the orphanage person and our guide took her out of the room to try to talk to her. I went out eventually to check. She didn't want anything to do with me. I figured I just need to give her time, but knew I'd be in for a long day. I left again to handle some paperwork and when I came back, if looks could kill, I'd be ashes several times over. The next half hour or so was filled with Amanda holding onto the chairs for dear life, trying to convince the orphanage person she didn't want a family, trying to convince our guide that she should be her mom, and basically trying to negotiate any option but the one that was going to happen. I didn't need to understand the language to know exactly what she was saying. She wanted no part of me.

We finally got her to come to the bus (I tried carrying her and she agreed to walk since she didn't want me carrying her). I tried to get her to sit with me, but no way. I tried to hold her hand, again, no way. I buckled her into the seat because she was trying to get as far away from me as possible. The plan was to go to Carrefours, a very small Walmartish sort of store, to get whatever we'd need that we didn't bring with us. I wasn't sure that was going to happen but we tried. She agreed to stand in the cart (no way was she going to sit). I let her pick out what kind of shoes she liked and she did try them on but only after our guide, Veronica, assured her she could still keep her boots. I also let her pick out some crocs since it will be much warmer in Guangzhou. They didn't have any nice sandals in her size. Then I bought her a bowl and spoon purely for the symbolic meaning they hopefully have for her - that I will make sure to feed her. I know that Veronica was telling her that I was such a nice mama for buying her things. I'm not sure I want her to be beholden to me because I buy her things, but once we put those pink tennis shoes in the cart, she was much calmer. By the time we left the store, she actually took Anna's and Jessica's hands and sat with them in the back of the bus. She also shared her jelly beans with them. So major progress in a short time.

After that we stopped at a mall and ordered takeout food to bring back to the hotel. She of course would not eat anything. Not at all unexpected as Jessica wouldn't eat or drink anything the first day and Anna didn't drink anything for several days. She did like coloring and spent quite a bit of the afternoon doing that. We went through most of the toys I brought. She especially like the etch-a-sketch and the MP3 player my friend Deb gave her with Chinese kids songs on it. She's a girl that know what she likes and would fast forward through the ones she didn't like. I think the battery wore out, so I have to figure out if I have something to open the battery door and find out what kind of batteries I need. When we met the guide and other family for supper, Amanda said she liked her sisters a lot. I know Veronica told her that I thought she was beautiful and very smart. (This afternoon, we gave her a sketch pad and pen, and she started writing the alphabet in upper case letters!) Supper was fine. She didn't want to eat but Veronica convinced her if she was hungry, she needed to eat. Amanda, who they nicknamed YangYang and I have to find out why as I thought it'd be XiXi, also really likes the ant squasher app on the ipod touch. She has no problem figuring out electronics. I have seen a smile or 2 today and she was even laughing when Anna and Jessica had a pillow fight tonight. But when I took her hand to leave the restaurant after supper, she got all sullen and refused to walk. She's now refusing to go to bed. She won't put her pajamas on and is sitting in the chair trying to hold out. I think we'll just all have to go to bed or wait for her to be so tired she can't keep her eyes open any more.

She's spunky, beautiful and smart. We love her already. I know that these are all good qualities and that she is dealing with her grief and not holding it in. All good things and all part of the scenarios I've been running through over the last months. I wish it didn't have to be so hard on her. Some of her obstinance was funny, but then she got mad and told us to quit laughing at us (again, I didn't need a translator for this, but Veronica did anyway). Tomorrow we finish the paperwork and I will officially adopt her. After that we will visit the orphanage. I have reservations about this now, but I've always urged other families to do this because I did with Jessica and it was a good thing. I've already asked Veronica to make sure she understands we're going back there so she can say goodbye, that I'm not bringing her back. After our first hour together, I expected her to cry and be hysterical all afternoon and that didn't happen. So I do expect it to be easier after another day or two. She's just about out for the count now, so maybe after a good night's sleep, things will look better to her in the morning. Then again, maybe not. I'm sure glad I've been through this before so I'm not freaked out.