Tears

There was a little girl on one of the waiting child lists that I had seen back at the beginning of 2006 that I fell in love with. She is right in between my girls and has a special need I've seriously considered. At the time I just prayed for her to find a family while trying to figure some way to adopt her myself. It was probably a month or more before someone finally requested her, so I put her out of my mind. Fast forward to November, 2006, right after my dossier went to China, and this little girl shows up on the list again. This time, the agency says anyone DTC with another agency can apply for her. Again, I wracked my brain trying to come up with someone I might borrow the money from to afford the travel portion of the adoption. I sent the agency pictures I still had on my computer because they only had sad pictures. I had a copy of the updated happy ones. While trying to decide if she was really right for my family, someone else applied for her and I had 30 minutes to apply for her if I wanted to. I was in the process of doing more research on her need. I had talked to one of Anna's audiologist's and had a call in to another. But I just couldn't make a decision in 30 minutes and I knew if someone else was ready, she was not meant to be mine. I tell you though, I really cried, as I really did want her.

Today I ran across the website of the family that is adopting her. Actually they've just adopted her and are flying to Guangzhou tomorrow for the last leg of their journey. I'm very happy for her and for the family. Obviously they are meant to be her family. They are very happy and were ready to jump on a plane and get her. But, here I sit quite weapy again. I really did want her. I know she was not meant to be mine. And I'm so glad she has a family. I just wish it could have been me.


Anyway, I still have her picture on my bulletin board at work and I still have a couple in my purse. I guess it's time to take them down/out and totally move on. I don't know if its really appropriate to post her picture. I really am happy she's found a family. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself because of the really long wait, even though I need the long wait to save the funds.